i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I see more hoeing in ur future
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
