My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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