gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
