I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
