maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
