the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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