Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
