The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
