i already hear my dad disowning me
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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