Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
