I'm eating all of the evidence.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
