i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
