So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
