I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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