when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You may now shotgun with the bride
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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