I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
