it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
