Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
