I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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