Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Help. Why am I so naked?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
