Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
