Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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