i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
