Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My life is pants optional.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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