Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
