Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
