Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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