six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
