I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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