she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
