i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
