I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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