Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
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I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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