We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
