I didn't shave. On purpose
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
