In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I checked into jail on foursquare
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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