Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You may now shotgun with the bride
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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