pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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