I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
