Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize