u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Randomize
