Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
