i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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