dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
