I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
