There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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