I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
