That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
