Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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