sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I came so hard my ears popped.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
