my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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