My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Come on in and take your pants off
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