a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
