I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I need moral support for this bender
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
