Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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