I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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