Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
