Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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