He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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