If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
