my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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