Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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