So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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