dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
