In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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