OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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