I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
