you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
