so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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