So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
