So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
