I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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