I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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