I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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