All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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